On the Other Side of Tired: A Book’s Return and a Life Revisited Thank you, Andre Agassi!

I love to ask questions about books. What is your favorite? Do you prefer fiction or non-fiction? Do you have a favorite writer? Are you partial to a "real" book or Kindle? Do you use the library or shop Amazon? And do you re-read certain books? Why or why not?

One of my favorite books—and probably my favorite sports read—is a work of nonfiction; it is Open by American tennis player Andre Agassi. His autobiography captivated my attention and imagination because, at one point in my life, I was madly in love with tennis. I was both a player and a fan. Reading his stories and recalling those memories transported me back to an era I followed closely. I knew the players, the rivalries, the highs and lows, the victories and defeats—both on and off the court. Agassi’s chronicle left me with only one reaction: What a life!

I bought my copy of Open shortly after it was published in 2009. My dear friend Bill and I went to hear Agassi speak about the book in Palo Alto on a Friday right after school. Bill and I both taught in the Religious Studies department. He coached boys’ and girls’ tennis, and at that time I was coaching cross country. Part of what makes my friendship with Bill so special is his sheer passion for tennis and his remarkable knowledge of the game. Time and again I sought his technical analysis, recall of specific points, and insight into the mental challenges of the sport. The only complication was that I had to be sure he already knew the outcome of a match before bringing it up. Why? He watched many of them on tape delay. Teaching and coaching keeps you busy.

with Bill at Indian Wells Center Court, 2009

To hear Agassi speak with that same depth—only magnified by lived experience—was unforgettable. He brought the pages of Open to life, blending candor, humor, and vulnerability in a way that made the afternoon feel both intimate and electric. It remains one of those shared moments that, even years later, still spark gratitude and a smile. We reminisce about this experience often (I am so bummed we did not take a picture with Agassi!!!)

I integrated Open into my curriculum as much as I could. However, Agassi retired in 2006. In spite of his eight grand slam titles and former number one ranking, his star power had naturally faded. Still, I found an ideal audience for his lessons and insights in a group of parents who enrolled in an evening section of Sports and Spirituality. One mom was so eager to read more that she asked to borrow my copy. I loved the book so much that I was happy to pass it along to anyone willing to listen and learn.

At Wimbledon 2022

The class ended. Her son graduated. I moved to another school. And somewhere in all that transition, the book was lost in the shuffle.

I asked a colleague to follow up with the parent about getting my book back. It never happened. I eventually purchased another copy, but it wasn’t the same. My original had been signed. It featured a nameplate. It carried my tabs, highlights, and handwritten notes. I had done more than simply read that book—I lived with it. I uncovered analogies about life and love. I challenged the author's claims and marveled at his experiences. I made connections to spiritual truths and found meaning in the memories. That exact copy was a witness to those treasures. 

From time to time, I would think of my book and get upset. I have been told that if you lend something to someone, you should not expect to get it back. Seems like a lousy proposition to me, but I understand the guardrails and their purpose. I had no other choice but to let it go.

In the passing years, I have not re-read this book. However, I think this is a worthy proposition. Why? It's not that the book changes but we do. Life happens. We have new experiences—chosen and unchosen, welcome and unwelcome, gifted and graced as well as tragic and solemn. I think even a book like Open could speak to life—and my life—in new ways.

Last week, I returned from lunch to find a bag on my desk. Inside was the very copy of Open that I lent out six years prior. Inside the book was a very thoughtful note that said 

My sincere apologies for not returning your book in a timely manner. Clearly this is a beloved book given all the tabs and notes. I found it recently so I am sending my son to ensure this amazing book is reunited with its owner. Happy New Year!

I couldn't help but wonder what the universe might be telling me. I decided to take a look at what spoke to me in the past. The first passage I highlighted made me smile. Agassi writes

It's no accident, I think, that tennis uses the language of life. Advantage, service, fault, break, love, the basic elements of tennis are those of every day existence, because every match is a life in miniature. Even the structure of tennis, the way the pieces fit inside one another like Russian nesting dolls, mimics the structure of our days. Points become games become sets become tournaments, and it's all so tightly connected that any point can become the turning point. It reminds me of the way seconds become minutes become hours, and any hour can be our finest. Or darkest. It's our choice.

The theologian Ron Rolheiser believes that "God speaks to every element in the language it can understand." It wasn't my first language, but I speak the language of tennis proficiently. No accent. Somewhere in that love affair, God was speaking to me. 

I revisited my tabs and margin notes and found myself asking: why read fiction when real life can be this compelling? The climb back to world No. 1. His father betting on him as a boy against Jim Brown. A detour to Springsteen’s Reunion Tour in Paris during the French Open. Meeting Nelson Mandela with Brooke Shields. Falling in love with Steffi Graf—his wife and the mother of his two children. Those stories are still compelling...and incredible. I had to wonder how and why some stories come to us. And I questioned, what could I do to make others happen. Is that even possible?

That view of Open is too short-sighted. Agassi spent three years writing the book, and at the launch event he emphasized that he had to tell this story. It wasn’t surprising to hear that he wanted to make sense of his own life, but I was struck by his insistence on telling the truth behind what fans thought they knew. He admits, for example, that he hated tennis. Through writing Open, he came to terms with his father, his failures, his divorce, his injuries, and ultimately his identity beyond winning. He sought to offer hope through honesty — and even the cover image quietly proclaims that message.

Just love this photo. An iconic look at that era...

So why here? Why now? What was the universe trying to tell me about my very own copy of Open finding its way back to me. Next to this classic photo is a quote that I highlighted. It says 

I can't promise you that you won't be tired, he says. But please know this. There's a lot of good waiting for you on the other side of tired. Get yourself tired, Andre. That's where you're going to know yourself. On the other side of tired.

It's safe to say in the 16 years since I have read Open, yes, I have changed. But in under two months time, my entire world has been turned upside down as my mom has battling Stage 3 ovarian cancer. This terrible disease came on so incredibly fast and my mom, my family and I are all dealing with its demands, her frailty and struggles. She is tired of being sick. I don't know that I have ever felt this tired either. This journey isn't a short one, nor is it an easy one. I don't go at it alone but I take comfort in what this message offers for me, even if just for today. I need to read it...or this case, re-read it.

And for the record, I love Kindle. That being said, a story like this would never happen through that platform now would it....

Photo Credits
Andre and Gil is from OPEN

Read + Pray + Bowl: Thank you Notre Dame Football

It is the most wonderful time of the year! As a teacher, I have over two weeks off and all of but a few final exams left to grade. Whether it's at the gym, in the dental chair or for from my friends—people always want to know what I will do with "all that time off." Given some health issues that my mom is facing, I am grateful that I can be of help to her and my Dad and enjoy Christmas together. But, that topic is tough and during this festive time of year, "we need a little Christmas." Once again, thanks to the University of Notre Dame football team, I have my answer. Move over Elizabeth Gilbert, it's time to read, pray, bowl. 

Read
In total sincerity, I have seven different books I want to read before I begin two new sections of Sports and Spirituality. I am not the master of reading more than one book at a time, but the shorter days and longer nights of this winter recess allows me this luxury.

Among the "magnificent seven" is one Sci-Fi novel (Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card), one American Studies classic Travels with Charley, by John Steinbeck), one autobiography (Truly, by Lionel Richie) three theology reads (Why Religion Went Obsolete by Christian Smith, The Miracle Collectors by Katie Mahon and Pray Like a Champion Today by Nate Wills, C.S.C.), and one comic book (Jeremonster by Jeremyiah Love). Actually it's more than a superhero comic book or graphic novel. As written in the ESPN article,

Jeremonstar is a sports-anime comic universe where legendary powers meet the grit of the gridiron.

Created by Notre Dame running back Jeremiyah Love, this story blends intense football action with supernatural abilities and fierce competition.

 ⚡ It’s a world of speed, skill, and heart — built for fans who love sports and anime alike.

I discovered Love's work thanks to social media. A once in a generation type of player, it was hard not to watch Love run the ball, break the tackle, hurdle over the D-line and bring his two hands into that iconic heart. Love me some Love.

For those of you looking to play by the "Four Gift Challenge," this is a fun and unique way to give "something to read." It's not just a story...

But this wasn't simply a superhero story. It was Jeremiyah's story. It had to be perfect, and that's where the Loves kept running into problems. They'd hire an artist, a writer or an agency, and after a few months of work, they'd realize the whole output was perfunctory. Most artists they talked to saw dollar signs because of Love's football prowess, but Love needed the story to be personal.

In December 2024, they met Chris Walker, and finally, they felt a connection.

"Chris was Yoda for us," Jason said.

Walker had spent a decade working with Marvel and DC Comics, had worked as a creative director at an agency and had even helped design the cover for a graphic novel by rapper Ghostface Killah. He now runs his own creative agency, Limited Edition, and he had recently found some success partnering with the Chicago Bulls and MLB Network on sports-related properties. He was hoping to grow that market when he reached out to Notre Dame's NIL collective, which connected him with the Loves.

Jeremiyah is like a lot of comic-book heroes. By day, he shows one side of himself. Then he dons a uniform and becomes something else.

Sure, Irish fans love that "something else," but this book offers an invitation to further understand and appreciate who he really is. At the Heisman Award finalist ceremony, Jeremiyah's mother said "thank you, for being Jeremiyah Love." What a great story to love.

Pray
I have always been a person of prayer. I believe in the power of prayer and though my prayer life is far from perfect, in the last few weeks, I have had to lean into God's love and as my friend Owen said, "give the rest to God's extremely capable hands."

Every Advent, the ND Alumni Association shares a Sacred Story with alumni and friends. Listening to and refelcting upon these testimonies is one of my favorite ways to pray. When I saw that Irish cornerback, Christian Gray had a Sacred Story to offer, I wasn't surprised. 

I have watched #6 take an extended moment in personal prayer in the end zone before each game. He was profiled in Season 1 of "Here Come the Irish" for the vision board that he creates at the start if each new year. He said "This is something my mom and I make every year. This is all the vision that God has given me. I put it as my mission to live out this entire vision." 

Through Christian's testimony, I am reminded that when we pray, when we ask others to pray for us, when we remain unrelenting in our prayer and make the time and space for it—we are carried and we sheltered by God's abiding love. He said, “Faith brought me here. My mother’s prayers, along with my grandmother’s and my sister’s prayers, are still guiding me every day through the ups and the downs, every win and every loss."

None of us can do it alone, nor should we. Prayer reminds us that we can always do something for others. The gift of faith celebrates that prayer is an important reminder: we can always do something for others and ourselves.

And my message for Christian: your faith and your joy is both inspiring and infectious. Thank you for your pick-six against USC in 2024.

Bowl
I've known a number of couples who have taken a break in their relationship. Some reconnect, others don't. A little time, space and distance can be a good thing. 

Those of us who golf and identify as a golfer, understand that this game isn't all that much different than a relationship. And although I have the time to play golf during my vacation, I am taking a break from it. I just feel a little too much pressure to play well. I am always seeking signs of improvement. I self diagnose and when I can't figure out my problems, I get even more frustrated. From time to time, I enter into a "dark place" on the golf course. It's important that I name it, because I know how quickly it devolves. The inner -monologue moves from hard to harsh is less than 60.

Instead, I have an alternative activity that I love: bowling. It's an excellent winter sport—a multigenerational one that I have played for years. I've loved taking my nieces to the now closed Danville Bowl every time they visit during the holidays. It's a good way to have fun and focus on the task at hand. And, I was thrilled to see that Team 139 did too.

As written in Yahoo Sports,

The Notre Dame football team is going bowling after all — but not the kind fans expected. Following a season that ended just outside the College Football Playoff field, the Fighting Irish found a unique and creative way to close out the year, hosting a lighthearted but meaningful charity bowling event designed to bring together players, coaches, and fans. Rather than competing for trophies or television ratings, the program decided to focus on teamwork, goodwill, and giving back to the South Bend community that supports them year-round. The event reflects the program’s broader mission to inspire both on and off the field, even in the face of postseason disappointment.

I have NO doubt that some of those guys are outstanding bowlers. I would love to see Coach Free getting strikes and picking up spares. I wonder if any of his six kids played.. And, I imagine there was some friendly competition—O-line vs. D-line? Positions coaches vs coordinators? 

In Conclusion
Both the Notre Dame football team and I have different plans than what we had hoped for this holiday season but we have many, many blessings. The ability to learn, to connect with God and others in prayer and have fun in something like bowling, remind me that this Christmas, the best gifts are shared with and among each other.

And please keep my mom, Sheila in your prayers. I am praying for her healing and strength. During this Advent, I find it so important to find hope, even in the darkest hours. He awaits.

Photo credits
Irish Give Back
Jeremonster
Love Book Signing

One Win Short: My Thoughts on Notre Dame Football and the 2025 Postseason

In the first episode of Season 2 of "Here Come the Irish," Nicole Auerbach— a prominent college sports journalist, football and basketball insider— said, "One of the most interesting story lines from last year is that Notre Dame was likable program. No matter where you live in the country you're aware of them. You've watched them and have probably rooted against them. They became so likable because of Marcus Freeman— he's cool, he's young, and that resonated with a lot of people." Irish fans know exactly what she is talking about.

Being a Notre Dame football fan isn’t easy, though Marcus Freeman has made it easier. It's like Irish fans are required to take a Masterclass in emotional endurance. For example, I began this season convinced it was “our year”; two weeks later, I was licking wounds and clawing my way out of a very dark place. We are fiercely proud of the program—and relentlessly critiqued for it.

Since Sunday, the number of unsolicited opinions that have come my way—about the CFB selection committee’s decision to exclude Notre Dame from the playoffs and the team’s decision not to play in a bowl game—has been staggering. Sports fans are anything but neutral on this topic. 

Being an ND fan is both a blessing and a burden; I think New York Yankees fans might stand in solidarity with me. We balance decades of history and tradition, long-lived loyalty and long-standing disdain. We aren’t called the Fightin’ Irish for nothing.

It’s not easy to take the high road, and many ND fans don’t. But for those who do—like Head Coach Marcus Freeman (HCMF)—I'd like to offer a few responses to the questions most people aren’t asking me. I wish they would; I think they’d be surprised by my answers. Here we go.

"The Spirit of Notre Dame" that first episode of Season 2—begins with the end in mind—or rather, the end of the 2024 football season on the screen. As the scene fades from Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium, the audience hears: “The Ohio State Buckeyes have won the national championship, and Notre Dame’s season comes up one win short.” Though that moment took place on January 20, 2025, the message proved true once again.

All week, people have debated and dissected the selection committee’s decision. Regardless of how someone feels about Alabama or Miami, James Madison University or Tulane, the reality is that ND came up one game short—again. We needed to win one of the two games we lost during the regular season. Yes, we lost by a combined total of four points, and yes, we won out the rest of the season, but the truth remains: we lost two games and that makes us one win short.

As I was setting up shop in my classroom, one of my students told me—unprompted—that Notre Dame's decision not to play in a bowl game was childish and selfish. I have seen and read similar sentiments all over social media. Yes he knows I am a big fan and yes, he knows that comment will affect his grade (kidding). 

I remained calm. I listened to his thoughts and asked clarification questions to gain a better understanding. I paused and then I launched my retort.

I told him that I am proud what was the teams's decision. According to inside sources, Team 139's six captains met and then spoke with HCMF. I think this is an important component to the story. This decision came from within—not on high. @NDFootball posted what you see above.  I think this was a prudent decision for several reasons.

For one, the 2025 team would not have played in a bowl game; that team played their last game at Stanford Stadium on November 29, 2025. Players who plan to go into the draft to play professionally would sit out for fear of injury. (I can still see Jaylon Smith's go down as he suffered a severe left knee injury, tearing his ACL and MCL and damaging the peroneal nerve, dramatically compromising his selection in the draft). Had the Irish been in contention for a national championship, all of Team 139 would compete. The reality of today's game however means that potential draft players won't. This is not unique to Notre Dame. 

Some say not allowing seniors to play one more game is a significant reason this decision is so misguided. I disagree. The team honored 32 seniors on Saturday, November 22, 2025 on the field, inside of Notre Dame Stadium before the Syracuse game. To me, this is the ideal way to send off a senior—not at a bowl game. Many of those seniors will however play elsewhere next year as graduate students. 

I have been told that Notre Dame is paying the price for not joining a conference. Clearly we play by our own rules. And to me, those rules allow a team to say "no" to a postseason bid. I have long believed that sometimes a "no" is a "yes." Here's how.

Although some will contest this, the players on the Irish squad are still classified as student athletes. This means they have exams in the coming week. Before and during final exams, yes, the team will continue to workout, lift and train but they are not studying game film, practicing plays or learning new ones. I think that opens up some time and space—mental space. They get an actual break from the preparation required of in-season training. Furthermore, not playing in a bowl game means that the players and their coaches s have a real break during the holiday season. They will be able to spend Christmas at home and with their families. I think there is real value in opening up that space for all involved in the program.

Good, bad or otherwise, the Bowl system is in no way what it once was. While I have heard positive reviews of the Pop Tarts bowl, what we once knew is long gone. As a fan, I don't enjoy games that are nearly five hours long due to extended TV timeouts. The ticket prices are not favorable and I'm just not interested in seeing a hybrid crew from the 2025 team playing an opponent that is also be remiss of many of their players, let alone coaches. 

In conclusion,  "Notre Dame's season came up one game short." Immediately following these words, the screen flashes to Marcus Freeman. Holding back tears he said, "It's tough now. There's not a lot of words to say when you lose a national championship. But what you all have done for this university is something special. We love you and we're gonna continue to fight."

I think much of that message applies to how the 2025 ended for Team 139. There aren't a lot of words. I am grateful for all they have done for Notre Dame. Running the table and winning out the last 10 games, all by 15 points or more was special. Coach Freeman—we, your fans, love you. Thank you for helping these young men and others to embody the Spirit of Notre Dame. And for what it's worth, I think we're still likable. Go Irish.

Photos
Bowl Games
ND Letter
HCMF

From Notre Dame Stadium to the Pew: The Power of Presence

This is not a blog post I’ve been eager to write. I try to use this space to share messages that are hopeful, uplifting, and meaningful. Sure, I have my gripes—but I usually keep those close to the vest... or the water cooler.

But there’s a question I feel compelled to raise, and I think you have an answer: Have you ever been to a game where a singular fan, compromised your entire experience? Have a group of fans ever detracted from your enjoyment of the game? Have you ever been subjected to rude, boorish, or selfish behavior by someone cheering for the same team as you—a fellow fan?

Sadly, I fear that too many of us can answer "yes." The purpose of this post however isn't to castigate fans in 2025. I don't want to play the "it never used to be this way" game—although that might be true. No, I hope that you will read and consider the power that you as a fan have and will use it for good.

My friend Steve gave me an early Christmas present: a pre-game field pass for the Notre Dame game at Stanford Stadium on Saturday, November 29. To stand behind just feet from the entire team—ranked 9th in the nation—and on their level is amazing. Although you might not have the vantage of those who are perched from above, the energy and excitement is palpable—it's electric. Just before kick-off, I walked approximately 20 rows up to my seat and joined my friend Charlie. He noted that our section had been standing since he arrived. A few minutes into the game, the crowd around us took their seats and cheered loudly. We stood up, we sat down. We exchanged high fives. The blue, gold and green drowned out the Cardinal red. Clearly, this is was not enemy territory. 

I stood next to DeShone Kizer on the field and didn't recognize him until it was too late.
I would have loved talking to him about "A Season with ND Football."

The young man sitting in front of us was an enthusiastic fan. He stood every single time the Irish had possession of the ball or when defense made a great play. However, the problem with this gesture is that in order to see the game, we had to stand as well. If we stood, those behind us would need to do the same. Think of this as a different type of wave, and an unnecessary one. 

Charlie politely tapped him on the shoulder and said "excuse me, but when you stand, we can't see. Do you mind sitting down?" This fan retorted, "I do. I'm not going to sit. I'm going to stand when I want to." I listened in disbelief. I thought to myself, "maybe he didn't understand what we were asking." I tapped him on the shoulder and said "I'm sorry, it's just that your view is unobstructed (there was no one sitting in front of him from an angled sight line). When others stand or if someone else is standing—go for it. But you're the only person who stands and that means we can't see the play. We're happy to switch seats with you if that helps."

I was calm and hoped our simple request made sense. He shook his head and said, "I'm not moving seats. And I'm not going to stay seated. I'm going to stand when I want. That's what I'm going to do."

I have never heard another fan speak with such defiance. I would have said, "I am so sorry. Of course. No problem." While that might be too accommodating, I know I would have listened and at the very least found some middle ground.

Charlie shook his head. He told me to let it go as we turned our head to watch the plays on the Jumbotron. 

I tapped this man on the shoulder once more. I don't know from where this came but I said "Please don't cheer for Notre Dame." He looked at me quizzically. I asked "Are you an alum? Are you a current student?" He shook his head, "no." I said "Well, I'm an alum and I would rather that you not cheer for the Irish. What you are doing does not resonate with the values of the University. Don't cheer for the Irish. Please don't." I sat down.

In the words of Thomas Magnum "I know what you're thinking" and you're right. This story doesn't end well. He dug his heels in. He became almost more defiant by standing more and sitting less. 

This fan soured my experience; I would be lying if I said I could shake it off.  I wish he wasn't cheering for ND. The whole thing was disappointing and disrespectful.Very unfortunate.

Marcus Freeman's first game as Head Coach, January 2022

It could have been different. I say that because I know it’s true—I’ve lived it. On September 18, my friend Bill and I joined my aunt, uncle, cousin, her husband, and their four kids for the Purdue game at Notre Dame Stadium. Sitting together in two rows, we made quite an impression on the people around us.

With under two minutes left in the second quarter, play stopped because of lightning. Rain followed. We waited under the overhang for nearly two hours, then returned to our seats for the second half. While a third of the crowd didn’t come back, I noticed those around me were actually talking about my family. A couple of men picked up on the fact that my Uncle Jay has an uncommon knowledge of the game. They noticed how he explained a few of the rulings on the field in great detail. One of them inquired about it only to learn that my Uncle Jay was a Pac 10/12 referee for 35 years. Whether in the classroom or on the field, my Uncle Jay has always been someone who instructs, informs, and helps others. That’s who he was as a teacher and principal, and who he was wearing the white hat.

I love watching games with my Uncle Jay. Yes, I'm an info hound—I do love to gain clarity and comprehension—but he is incredibly spirited, too. He is locked in when the clock is ticking and helping others when it stops. I grew up watching him on the field work games. In his retirement, I have only benefitted from his presence in the stands. I am proud to say that others have too.

But Jay wasn't the only force for good in this crowd. My Uncle Jay's daughter Jodi—my cousin and her husband CW have four children. These fifth through eighth graders, have been raised to cheer for the Irish. To their credit, they did so until the final whistle. They understood the play calls, cheered at all the right times, and were held up for push-ups after a touchdown. It was a long day, but their enthusiasm, attention, and youthful energy were fun to share. They made a great game even better. Young fans have power, too.

The question I raise for fans is one about presence. Whether we are at a sporting event, a movie, a concert or show we have the ability to make a positive presence on the places and spaces we inhabit—including sacred ones. Are you aware of this?

I attend 8:00 a.m. every Sunday at St. Vincent de Paul parish. Because of its early start time, most of the congregation is comprised of elderly people and families with very young children (they get up early as it is!). Of course all are welcome, and I know the spirit of hospitality is important—but it is not with a sense of "do whatever you want" or "everything is okay."

I believe that because of an experience I had recently. A mother and her teenage daughter sat next to me and talked at a low whisper throughout both readings and the Gospel. The only time they refrained from chatting was when they sang. 

I glanced over a few times—giving that teacher look I’ve mastered over 25 years. They noticed but kept at it. During the homily, I held my gaze a little longer. Still nothing. In hindsight, I should have removed myself rather than hope something would change.

ND Football Chaplain, Father Nate Wills, C.S.C. offers a prayerful presence on the sidelines. 

When their conversation continued through the consecration, I couldn’t stay silent. I leaned over and said, “Do you mind not talking? I’m trying to focus and pray.”

My request was met with utter disgust. Both mother and daughter looked at me as though I were committing an unthinkable offense, a stranger daring to disturb their world. 

I stood frozen in fear that I would be the reason this young woman would stop going to church in the future. Perhaps she would say "this woman in church asked me to stop talking. How rude." I was that woman. I am that woman. And sadly, I shouldn't be the one apologizing.

I offer this message in contrast to what a woman once said to my brother as they were leaving Mass. She tapped him on the shoulder and said "I just want to say thank you for helping me pray better." Mark said "thank you" and paused. She added "Your prayerful presence really helped me to be still and hear the Word." 

I love that she thought to say this to my brother. She named for him the giftedness and grace of a positive presence. No words or money required. Truly we have the power for good.

I won't tell you what I said to the girlfriend of the guy who continued to stand during the game, but I can assure you that in the future, I will be thanking fans who make the experience even better.

Photo Credits
Kizer and Freeman

A Good, Good, Good Legacy of Service and Presence: Revs. Ray Allender, S.J., and Greg Goethals, S.J.

At St. Ignatius College Prep, we celebrate the last Sunday of the liturgical year—the Solemnity of Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe—by conferring the Christ the King Award. It is the highest honor the school can bestow upon an alum. The recipient is someone who has "distinguished themselves in their profession, demonstrated a commitment to the S.I. community, and best exemplifies the ideal of service to God and others. This year’s honoree, Rev. Ray Allender, S.J., is a man who has time and again “risen up to the best ideals of being an Ignatian.”

“It is the most important decision the St. Ignatius Alumni Board makes each year,” said S.I. Alumni Director Tom Hsieh ’83. After attending both the Mass and the reception that followed, I understand why. At the gathering, an alumni parent told me that she and her husband come to the Christ the King celebration every year because it’s important to honor a person during their lifetime. “Sadly, I go to many funerals where we remember someone after they’re gone,” she said. “But this event gives us a chance to say, ‘Thank you. I love you.’” Her wise words stayed with me—made all the more poignant when, on Monday morning, I learned that Rev. Greg Goethals, S.J., had died. Greg retired as President of Loyola High School in June; he was 70 years old.

Greg would not have received SI's Christ the King Award because he was a member of Loyola High's class of 1973. His leadership during his tenure at SI however, was quite distinguished. As written by SI President, Joe Vollert, "He served as a rector, teacher, campus minister, counselor, chair of the Board of Trustees, and as the Superior of SI's Jesuit community. His lasting gift to SI was to start and fund the Adult Spirituality Program, a gift to so many of us today."

I came to SI in the Fall of 2003. I immediately found a home in this large and vibrant community thanks to the work of Adult Spirituality. As written on our website, 

St. Ignatius’ Office of Adult Spirituality provides a spiritual formation program for faculty, staff and parents rooted in the Jesuit and Ignatian tradition and grounded in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. 

The future fidelity and commitment to the Ignatian charism and the Mission and Identity of Jesuit Secondary Education depends on the formation of our Ignatian Partners. Those partners, “are willing to deepen their own Ignatian spirituality and assume greater responsibility for the institution’s Jesuit Identity. ” (Responding to the Call of Christ: Provincials Letter, 2008).

SI, like every Catholic school, has a mission. As an apostolate of the Society of Jesus, our mission is shared with Jesuit schools throughout the world. As an educator in a Jesuit secondary school, I am called to bring that mission to life—in the classroom, on the field, and as a Catholic witness. I firmly believe that if we do not abide by our mission, we should close our doors. Our lived mission is a gift to students, their families, and the community we serve.

The Office of Adult Spirituality seeks to form and inform educators in this mission. We do this through faculty retreats, ministry mornings, Ignatian evenings, Advent and Lenten lunches and in offering the Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola. New teachers attend formation sessions during their first five years in the community and  retreats with other Jesuit educators. All are invited to apply for grants to make a personal retreat. Truly, I am not only the teacher I am today but the person I am because of what Greg brought to SI. This office has been a spiritual home for me and my colleagues, enriching not only our lives but, by extension, the faith and spiritual experiences of our students.

I sent Father Greg a Christmas card every year for the past fifteen years. After three years at another school, I returned to SI to work in the Office of Adult Spirituality; I could NOT wait to share the good news in that seasonal greeting. I will admit, part of me enjoyed sending those cards because I just loved receiving a card from him. I would catch a glimpse of that Crane's paper, replete with the return address of 1901 Venice Boulevard, Los Angeles, California 90006 and await the beauty inside. Anyone that knew Greg is aware that he enjoyed the finer things in life—his stationery was just one example of that.

We taught together in the Religious Studies Department. After he left S.I., the next time I saw him was at the Ignatian Family Teach-In in Fort Benning, Georgia. We stood for a few hours at an outdoor prayer vigil, reciting the names of the Jesuit martyrs, their housekeeper, and her daughter in a solemn call and response. It was freezing cold, and the mood was appropriately somber. Greg made his way over to our group to say hello, and that’s when I noticed his Burberry plaid wool scarf. I won’t mince words—a high-end designer scarf wasn’t exactly typical for that gathering and yet, I had to comment on it. We laughed. He loved it as much as I did. That memory is a great snapshot of Greg. He was present—he showed up and did so with style—his style.

But my most meaningful encounter—and memory—of Greg occurred in June 2010. My mom and I took a mother/daughter road trip down Highway One to visit Hearst Castle and two Presidential museums. Along the way, we stopped in Santa Barbara for the night. We decided to go to the Ritz Carlton for an afternoon cocktail and snack. Who did we run into at the bar  but Greg and his lovely cousin. Our time together was so spirited, I can recall our conversation fifteen years later and the photo here reminds me of that.

If you go on Greg's Facebook page, all you will see are photos of him with family, friends, colleagues, former students, other Jesuits...oh and Barbara Streisand.

This is an important memory for me because what I didn't know at the time is that two short weeks later, my life would change dramatically. I was running and my heart underwent an extensive episode of ventricular tachycardia. Call my lucky or call me blessed, but, the fact that I survived is still difficult to think about today. I spent a week in the hospital and was implanted with an ICD. Somehow, Greg caught word and reached out with prayers and warm wishes. He didn't forget. Six months later he added a personal note on his Christmas card, recalling our time together and inquiring about my health.

Greg was energetic and enthusiastic. Forever on the go, he gave you his undivided attention— even if was for just a minute. He listened intently and would bring the conversation to a close with the words "good, good good." The last time I saw him was at the funeral of Tony Sauer, SJ. I had hoped to see him in August at the mass of remembrance for Eddie Reese, SJ but he may have been traveling as part of his sabbatical. I always thought we would have more time to connect and catch up, laugh, reminisce and remember. This is where death has its sting. It also reminds us to celebrate each other when we can and where we can with our presence, time and our talents.

RS Dept circa 2005

For some reason, I have never been to the Christ the King celebration. I attended on Sunday as the representative from the Office of Adult Spirituality. I was happy to do so because I got to know Father Ray when I was a parishioner at St. Agnes in the Haight. I knew he was beloved and I have always thought he has a wonderful voice—a gift for a preacher. I left that gathering believing what the alumni association pitched was true: Fr. Ray Allender ’62 – "a Jesuit who has facilitated spiritual curiosity, connected parishes across San Francisco to the Ignatian tradition, and fundamentally changed our school forever." 

What might have made the greatest impression on me was what I saw transpire during the Mass. Yes, the homily—given by Mario Prietto, SJ was tremendous, the music was remarkable, and I loved the procession of past honorees. The CTK medal is just regal, accented by red and blue ribbon. SI's communications department put together and outstanding video that chronicled the life of Ray past and present. But it was the nearly 400 people in the church—attentive, smiling, clapping and standing time and again in support, gratitude and love for this  Jesuit priest, pastor, educator and spiritual director that expanded my heart and left me truly inspired.  Indeed, the gathering was what an alumni parent said, "a true tonic for the times."

Furthermore, I served as a eucharistic minister. I finished from my post on the side of the church and moved to the center aisle; Ray was sitting in the front row, right side. The line should have been double—but it became a singular affair as the congregation wanted to touch, hug and reach out to Father Ray before communion. I've never seen anything quite like it and yet I understood it completely. 

Whether it be in life or in death, it is a gift for US to celebrate those men and women who lead by service to others, who show up time and again in places likely and in places unexpected. Greg's death was sudden, and still— I have a feeling that when Saint Peter saw him, there's only one thing he could have said, "good, good, good!" Eternal rest, grant unto Him, O Lord and may perpetual light shine upon him! And continued blessings to you, Father Ray. We are so grateful for your presence.

Photo Credits
CTK photos
Greg Goethals Loyola